Walid Shoebat to CNN:
I was laughing my head off while I watched myself on CNN’s Anderson Cooper 360. Before the show came on, they aired footage of Hugh Hefner who swims in a pool of money and women; yet we were made out like bandits because our charity reported 1/2 million dollars last year; it was very funny.
CNN wanted me to tell them how our money is spent. All right, CNN, I confess everything:
I Confess: We are sending money to criminals. It’s true. They are Pakistani criminals who are hiding from the law. They are purported to have committed the worst crime in Pakistani law: Blasphemy of Muhammad, the prophet of Islam.
CNN is right to come after me. I committed the same crime.
I Confess: I did tell Drew Griffin, “It’s none of your business” – it was all caught on camera. But only an idiot will talk to reporters and give details of sending money to wanted criminals.
I Confess: Keith’s senior moment on CNN shows how unprofessional we really are. We set up an advisory board several years ago who we rarely contact. Keith could not remember their names with a TV camera in his face; his performance would seem to debunk the myth that Jews are exceptionally smart.
I Confess: I do not qualify as an expert on terrorism since I am not an atheist-socialist-liberal and my books have the word “God” on them; had I used “Allah,” CNN and CAIR would not mind.
I Confess: I was not a “professional” terrorist – I didn’t succeed in killing innocent
people. I am not a “professional” terrorist consultant either. All I do is translate what sneaky Muslims say in Arabic and compare it to their English. Rarely ever do they match, and CNN never reports on them.
I Confess: I sell books for a living that have lots of flaws. English is my second language and my editor is a nice lady named Cheryl Taylor who is about to retire. Some spelling errors accidentally slip in, and people complain about them. But what can I do? Cheryl also has to make a living.
I Confess: I am not the smartest guy when it comes to terrorism. Drew Griffin was right; there were 19 hijackers on 9/11, not 17. But is that why Anderson Cooper 360 degrees, Huffington Post, CAIR and Chris Hedges are after my hide?
I Confess: Chris Hedges is a lot smarter than I. They gave him an award—he was a Pulitzer Prize winner. Perhaps if I do my own “360 degrees” and convert back to being a terrorist, I might win the Nobel Peace Prize. Arafat won it by simply speaking a few words—in English.
I Confess: I am not exactly connected to the Mossad, but I pay money to an I.D.F soldier named Mosheh Avraham to maintain our website and keep track of newsworthy stories.
I Confess: Mosheh kills terrorists—literally.
I Confess: We pay another lady to bombard and harass pastors to get us in the door. At times, we joke that some pastors are like a blood clot that only a lady can move out of the way, allowing us to spread what CAIR calls “Islamophobia.”
I Confess: We also pay for flights, hotels, articles, interview bookings and daily press releases. Special Guests are the cheapest and worth every cent.
I Confess: Last year we spent over $80,000 in Texas for a memorial event for the Fort Hood Massacre victims, a tragedy perpetrated by a Muslim, but CNN does not want me to refer to Nidal Malek Hassan as a Muslim. Mentioning religious affiliation of terrorists is an insult, unless of course, the terrorist is a Christian.
I Confess: I am nosy and I want to know about CAIR’s funding. Will CNN help me?
I Confess: I looked like a slob on CNN. The truth is, I need new attire, but I am quite the cheapskate and hate wasting money.
I Confess: I critique Islam. Hindus stopped burning widows—thanks to critics of Hinduism.
I Confess: I am a racist. I became one when I quit hating Israel.
I Confess: When liberals say that I should be thrown in jail since I am a confessed terrorist, they are right. But why imprison repentant terrorists, while CNN wants to release unrepentant terrorists from Gitmo?
When I get old, fatter and saggy, I will still laugh at Drew Griffin. He could not debunk the facts and he is plainly stupid.