Saturn: New Secret Weapon for the Jews

If you ever wondered why Israel has had so much success in defeating Arabs in battle over the last several decades, wonder no more. According to an Egyptian Astrologer, it has nothing to do with the Bible or the notion that Israel is made up of God’s chosen people. No, it has to do with what’s happening on the planet Saturn. In particular, the strength of the Jews is determined by the ‘fire signs’ on that planet.

Saturn: New Secret Weapon for the Jews.

Saturn: New Secret Weapon for the Jews.

In a bizarre reality where Saturn has an effect on earthbound Jews that is opposite of the effect kryptonite has on Superman, the Jews have apparently benefited greatly in battles against the Arabs because of what’s happening on the gaseous planet. Don’t laugh. According to Sayyed Al-Shimi, this has all been tested, confirmed, and a matter of scientific fact. No doubt, such findings are on par with the results of global warming research.

No word on whether anything on Uranus makes Israel’s enemies stronger.


For some reason, this 3 Doors Down song – Kryptonite – just comes to mind: