The Terrorist Survival Guide

After you watch this video, the question is, what if you get stopped by a Muslim terrorist standing on the side of the road with an AK47 waving at you to stop the vehicle, what must you do?

Option 1: Run over the terrorist and hope to make it. This is the best option that we recommend. Make sure he gets under your car and becomes martyred ground meat.

Option 2: If you are too afraid of a high-chase pursuit by other terrorists who just saw you kill their comrade and are too chicken to go through all this and you stopped your vehicle and if you want to live, just fake it and say that you are a new Muslim convert. You also might act deaf and mute since you do not speak a word of Arabic, and hope it all goes well. Perhaps that you might lift your index finger as you see these idiots do in the photo below:

This is a sign that you believe that Allah is one and is an indivisible God. Muslims do this since Muslims reject the Trinity. Make absolutely sure that its your index finger that you use and not your middle finger.

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But if you failed to act as if you are mute or deaf, its not too late. But keep in mind, this might not be enough, they could behead you or shoot you anyway.

They could ask you if you are Sunni or Shia. If you say “Shia”, your done, they will shoot you, but if you say Sunni, you might still be tested and if you pass, you ‘might’ live.

Here is what you need to memorize just in case you get tested and you want to survive in this world. Shia Muslims pray three times a day towards Mecca and combine Dhuhr with Asr and Maghrib with Isha’, whereas Sunni Muslims pray five times a day towards Mecca; Fajr (Morning), Dhuhr (noon), Asr (after noon), Maghreb (sundown) and Isha (evenening). So make sure you say that you pray five times and not three times a day. Sunni Muslims fold their arms whereas Shia Muslims do not fold their arms during prayer.

'The name's Mecca, Bill Mecca... Why?'

If they ask you about how to pray, start by telling them that you always start by washing your private parts every time you use the bathroom.

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Washing your private parts is essential in Islam or your prayers will not be accepted by Allah and you will not make it to heaven in time for the wide-eyed virgin Huris and if you are a woman, you are out of luck, no handsome males for women in heaven.

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Do not make the mistake and say that you use only toilet paper since it might cost you your life.

Also, you say that every time you pass gas, that you perform ablution or what they call “wudu” (washing) again and that you always wash your private parts in addition to performing the traditional wudu. These are explained [here] and [here].

Here is how the poor fellows in the video screwed up. Fajr prayer requires two fard rakaʿāt (bows)

Dhuhur (noon) prayer are four rakaʿāt (bows) are mandatory (Fard) and are prayed silently. “Fard” is an Arabic word which means “obligatory”.

The Asr prayer is four non obligatory sunnah although highly recommended and four rakaʿāt daily prayer and is prayed (barely[1]) silently. “Sunnah” prayers are not Fard, which means they are not obligatory, so you do not have to perform them in order to survive your ordeal. Just remember how many Fard bows you need; Fajr: 2, Dhuhur: 4, Asr: 4, Maghrib: 3 and Isha: 4. Had these guys memorized this, they would still be alive today.

But if you want to sound competent and impress the terrorist. The Maghrib prayer has three obligatory (fard) rak’at and two obligatory sunnah and two non obligatory Nafils. The first two fard rak’at are prayed aloud by Imam in congregation, (the person who missed the congregation and is offering prayer alone, he is not bound to speak the first two rakats aloud), and the third is prayed silently.

The Isha’ (evening) daily prayer has four required (Fard) rak’ah (bows). However, in Sunni Islam, the two Sunnah rak’ah following the Isha’ are highly recommended and so is the 3 rakat Wajib Witr. There are a few optional prayers that can be recited after the Isha’ prayer, including the Nafilat ul-Layl prayers (together termed tahajjud), as well as the tarawih in Ramadan.

If you can’t remember all this numbo-jumbo say that you are not Muslim, you could attempt to convert as this Christian did in this video and live. But for this poor fellow, it didn’t work:

Option 3: This is the best option we recommend. Here is what we recommend if you want eternal life and had had enough of this evil world. Just pray loudly:

Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name.
Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done,
On earth, as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.

And we shall see you in heaven.

If you are not ready to exercise this option yet and still want to keep your life on earth instead of in heaven, then go to option 1.


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